Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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