THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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