Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Is it because I queefed?
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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