I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize