im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
