That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
