I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
