drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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