so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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