I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
