i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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