tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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