i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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