No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
