he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
