Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
