You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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