My room smells like vodka and shame
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
