You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
