I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Randomize