Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
