He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
In America we eat man semen.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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