i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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