If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
