It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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