I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
