I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
