this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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