Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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