I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
