I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
