I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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