I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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