roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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