I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
3pm strippers are depressing
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
