She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize