How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
