Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
