I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
