Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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