did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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