I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
