I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
