The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Dick very happy bro
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
