If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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