We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
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