i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize