How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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