he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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