He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
i've created a new STD.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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