Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
