your room smells of hookers.
And success
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
