Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
