WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
