I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize