4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
