She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
