i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
