I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
You're a waste of cheezeits
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
