I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
