he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
