Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
no, he came in my armpit
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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