We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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