dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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