i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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