Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
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