He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
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