stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
