she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
