is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
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