Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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