Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
