Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
