I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
