I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
