Where is the hickey?
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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