Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
