oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
