Small penises have feelings too.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
