i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Randomize
