I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Randomize
