Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Randomize
