You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
