Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
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