I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
