Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
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