Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
