do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
