If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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