I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
