he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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