If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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