i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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