I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
