I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
