there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
