What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
