if i can run in heels then i can drive
i need an iv and a liver transplant
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize