omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
