I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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