I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
