You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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