We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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