haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
