Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
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