remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I wish there were birth control emojis
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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