have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
