member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
where are you?
Hypothermia
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
