Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Randomize
