Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
My bed smells like the plague
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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