I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
