Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
