Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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