He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Randomize
