Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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