Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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